Screams
Monday, September 26, 2005
i mish him ! .. saw him playing soCcer yest .. but today there was not even a shadow of him lingering nearby .. how unluCky could i get ..hahas .. just came baCk fRom my tedious revisiON of theRmal physiCx ! .. hahas .. got baCkx my resuLts .. i got 13 points ! *pats of the baCkx* .. hahas .. i'm gonna peRseveRe haRder man ! .. i need my maRks ! .. i need my gRades ! ..
eng - B4
chinese - A2
a maths - A1
e maths - A1
bioLogy - A1
cheMistry - B3
physiCx - B3
humAnx - B4
hahas .. well .. i'm actually quite surprised to sCore these grades .. now i believe wad it means by your hard work will pay off eventually ! hahas .. i will continue woRking hard ! .. i wan do well ! i wan show the people who once think i cannot do it that i can ! .. no matter wad .. i am nt stupid ! i can do it de ! .. daddy .. i noe u nt satisfied .. but this is my ability .. will it hurt if u provide me with a single sentence of encouragement ? .. haii* .. i dun need critism .. i wan some encouragement .! .. i can do it if u dun look down at me so much ! .. haii* .. its not old times where exams are so easy to scoRe even without tuition ! .. understand? .. haii* .. i'm trying my best to cope myself .. but for eng and humans .. i need the tuition .. i got improve right ? why always asking for achievments when u never even see me improve ? haii* .. i'm trying .. honestly .. i'm trying very hard in fact .. i promise i wun let u down .. haii*
got no where to run and i'm sick and tired of this life !
Saturday, September 24, 2005
this morning went back to school for bio ! bRother came 2 fetch me.. heex` .. thanx bRo ! ..hahas .. den finalize the bio marks le.. very encouraging !! honestly .. i'm gonna studiee harder .. lolx .. den dun let bRother and mr naufAl disappointed .. hahas .. jiayou ! .. gambatte ! .. lolx ..!
den came hoMe .. went to havemy haiR cut ..finally its LIGHT ! .. hahas .. it shure weigh a tonne .. lolx .. happieex` .. den kakwai n chang ming ask me out .. lolx .. so went tampinese with them .. walk walk awhile .. hungry .. so go eat sakea sushi .. hahas .. eat noRs .. neveR bring enuff $$ .. so kakwai n chang ming paid .. i paid $10 .. blehhx` .. total was $50 .. hahas .. we just kept eating until 22 plates .. can u believe it .. den i keep buRping .. lolx .. den go walk walk awhile .. brother came to fetch me .. at first wan go mae hse study physics de .. den she cannot make it .. cos she had a fall .. mae meix .. careful nehx .. hahas .. hw can say fall den fall .. jie worried nehx ..hahas .. love ya anyway ~ .. hahas ..
den brother came and fetch us .. hahas .. me .. kakwai n chang ming .. went to east coast .. lolx .. go cycle .. lolx .. kakwai keep complaining he in pain .. ''-____- .. can u believe it . lolx.. i keep laughing .. lolx .. really very funny ~ .. hahas .. we cycle from aRea C to area G ..! .. lolx .. foR 1 and 30 mins like that .. lolx .. very fun~ .. miss kakwai n chang ming so much nia .. hahas .. dey gif me lots of fun today .. thanx guys~ .. met brother .. wow~ .. he looks so cute in that BRIGHT yellow tee .. and BLUE sexy shorts .. =p .. heex` ..
den chang ming got to go home and i seriously need 2 visit the toilet .. lolx .. so kakwai accompany me .. lolx .. =) .. sorriee for the trouble .. haha .. den we take bus back .. were talking abt the people around us and until today what has happen .. lolx .. 4 years past and everything seem to like happen yesterday? .. lolx.. kakwai .. dun worry la ! .. people can just continue their long speeches abt their stupid opinion ! but theycan never change who u really are underneath .. i believe in u .. u dun bother abt people can le .. they are just jealous .. get it? .. nt all people are there to help .. some are there to harm .. we will always have good frenx .. but we will also have enemies .. just tresure the frenx around u .. dun try to keep those who are nt worth keeping .. ! cos they will only continue hurting u ! .. =) .. cheer uPx ! ..
.. met jiahao .. lolx .. he also got pRob ! .. hahas .. hMmmx .. for u .. o levels come just once .. if u are going to waste ur time on gals .. its really nt worth it .. its better to study .. feels happier aso .. cos the probs they gif u .. u can solve them !
now .. i'm home .. sitting dwn in front of my comp .. reflecting on today's activities .. i hope i become a better person after today .. i am nt hoping anything in return .. just hoping that my good deeds will bring a better change to someone's life .. to make them a better person .. only like this .. den i can continue being someone more realiable in life !only den life will always be my life long learning journey .. which i neverr regret leaving my foot steps on ..
To tHe woRld yOu mAy be oNe peRson, but tO oNe peRson yOu may be tHe woRld.
den came hoMe .. went to havemy haiR cut ..finally its LIGHT ! .. hahas .. it shure weigh a tonne .. lolx .. happieex` .. den kakwai n chang ming ask me out .. lolx .. so went tampinese with them .. walk walk awhile .. hungry .. so go eat sakea sushi .. hahas .. eat noRs .. neveR bring enuff $$ .. so kakwai n chang ming paid .. i paid $10 .. blehhx` .. total was $50 .. hahas .. we just kept eating until 22 plates .. can u believe it .. den i keep buRping .. lolx .. den go walk walk awhile .. brother came to fetch me .. at first wan go mae hse study physics de .. den she cannot make it .. cos she had a fall .. mae meix .. careful nehx .. hahas .. hw can say fall den fall .. jie worried nehx ..hahas .. love ya anyway ~ .. hahas ..
den brother came and fetch us .. hahas .. me .. kakwai n chang ming .. went to east coast .. lolx .. go cycle .. lolx .. kakwai keep complaining he in pain .. ''-____- .. can u believe it . lolx.. i keep laughing .. lolx .. really very funny ~ .. hahas .. we cycle from aRea C to area G ..! .. lolx .. foR 1 and 30 mins like that .. lolx .. very fun~ .. miss kakwai n chang ming so much nia .. hahas .. dey gif me lots of fun today .. thanx guys~ .. met brother .. wow~ .. he looks so cute in that BRIGHT yellow tee .. and BLUE sexy shorts .. =p .. heex` ..
den chang ming got to go home and i seriously need 2 visit the toilet .. lolx .. so kakwai accompany me .. lolx .. =) .. sorriee for the trouble .. haha .. den we take bus back .. were talking abt the people around us and until today what has happen .. lolx .. 4 years past and everything seem to like happen yesterday? .. lolx.. kakwai .. dun worry la ! .. people can just continue their long speeches abt their stupid opinion ! but theycan never change who u really are underneath .. i believe in u .. u dun bother abt people can le .. they are just jealous .. get it? .. nt all people are there to help .. some are there to harm .. we will always have good frenx .. but we will also have enemies .. just tresure the frenx around u .. dun try to keep those who are nt worth keeping .. ! cos they will only continue hurting u ! .. =) .. cheer uPx ! ..
.. met jiahao .. lolx .. he also got pRob ! .. hahas .. hMmmx .. for u .. o levels come just once .. if u are going to waste ur time on gals .. its really nt worth it .. its better to study .. feels happier aso .. cos the probs they gif u .. u can solve them !
now .. i'm home .. sitting dwn in front of my comp .. reflecting on today's activities .. i hope i become a better person after today .. i am nt hoping anything in return .. just hoping that my good deeds will bring a better change to someone's life .. to make them a better person .. only like this .. den i can continue being someone more realiable in life !only den life will always be my life long learning journey .. which i neverr regret leaving my foot steps on ..
To tHe woRld yOu mAy be oNe peRson, but tO oNe peRson yOu may be tHe woRld.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
finally ! .. today's my fav subject with my cute and lovely teacher .. heex` .. love u mRs tan !! muaCkx ! .. heex` .. i'm cRazy ! haii* .. hoping for an A1 heRe .. still hoping .. lolx .. well i can do the paper .. hahas .. but got careless .. dunno wad Ar and Mr thingy .. gosh ! i'm so careless! .. hahas .. ALL HELL BREAKS LOSE AT 1115! .. lolx .. nice pRoverb .. love it ! .. heex` .. after chemistry was a relieve ..heex` .. finally FINALLY .. its over .. now the tensing part is the results ! ..hahas ..
haii* .. though things are getting worse for me .. i'm praying that i am just oversensative .. i hope i am .. i wish i am but i dun believe i am .. how is that going to help .? -silence-
honestly .. i aM VERY dissappointed in you .. i've never once doubted you.. i trusted you all the way .. haii* ..i dun expect anything in return whether it is in good form or hurtt .. why so much huRt do i receive frm u ? sux lehx .. 4 yeaRs of frenshiP.. destroyed at the last yeaR ? i'm gonna to just ignoRe wad happen .. that is also giving you another chance .. i like you too muCh .. its not woRth losing you .. i thought abt it .. think until i siCkx .. haii* .. complacency brings a person down .. remembeR that .. if u think you are bloody good in your subjects which i noe u are .. dun regRet when u fall .. cos its ur fault when u fall ! and when u fall .. get up yourself cos u deserve it ! get it ? .. argh !
a fever with 38 degrees .. can u believe it .. second time nia.. first time was 38.5 degrees .. hahas .. i recording down my fever temperature .. ''-____-.. hahas.. thanx bRother ! thanx mae ! ..if nt foR them .. i wun be typing my blog or finishing my second revision for chemistry ! .. all hell breaks loose tmR at 1115 ! .. hahas .. my last papeR !.. today a maths paper 2 sux ! .. i got bRain bloCk ! .. i can't think and all thanx to my fever .. its a A1 paper ! .. but now .. haii* .. i dunno le .. saded .. =( .. i wan an A1 foR a maths!! .. i noe i can ! i'm gonna to continue believing in myself !.. hoping***
A2 for bio ! heex` .. thanx bRother ! .. i'm gonna woRk haRder foR o levels .. i'll make shure i clinch a 1 foR brother ! .. i'll show him i can ! .. =) .. hahas .. i'll take a shoRt bReak tmR ! .. den continue studying with mae in satuRday .. i'll do physiCx ! .. i wan get A1 foR physiCx aso .. i noe its a bit high . but i realise its nt so hard if u wan it ! .. i badly wanted a distinction foR bio and i got it ! i'm shure physics .. i can do the same aso ..
and tmR's chem .. i badly wans an A1.! i'm gonna becarefuL tmr ! i just hope my mCq dun puLL me down ! .. its always mCq .. soBx ! .. hahas .. if u strive haRd enuff .. nothing is impossible .. always believe in yourself ! .. but yi fang wan yi la .. hahas..
i neVer kNew hOw baD it huRt tO loSe soMethiNg i neVer reaLLy haD.
a fever with 38 degrees .. can u believe it .. second time nia.. first time was 38.5 degrees .. hahas .. i recording down my fever temperature .. ''-____-.. hahas.. thanx bRother ! thanx mae ! ..if nt foR them .. i wun be typing my blog or finishing my second revision for chemistry ! .. all hell breaks loose tmR at 1115 ! .. hahas .. my last papeR !.. today a maths paper 2 sux ! .. i got bRain bloCk ! .. i can't think and all thanx to my fever .. its a A1 paper ! .. but now .. haii* .. i dunno le .. saded .. =( .. i wan an A1 foR a maths!! .. i noe i can ! i'm gonna to continue believing in myself !.. hoping***
A2 for bio ! heex` .. thanx bRother ! .. i'm gonna woRk haRder foR o levels .. i'll make shure i clinch a 1 foR brother ! .. i'll show him i can ! .. =) .. hahas .. i'll take a shoRt bReak tmR ! .. den continue studying with mae in satuRday .. i'll do physiCx ! .. i wan get A1 foR physiCx aso .. i noe its a bit high . but i realise its nt so hard if u wan it ! .. i badly wanted a distinction foR bio and i got it ! i'm shure physics .. i can do the same aso ..
and tmR's chem .. i badly wans an A1.! i'm gonna becarefuL tmr ! i just hope my mCq dun puLL me down ! .. its always mCq .. soBx ! .. hahas .. if u strive haRd enuff .. nothing is impossible .. always believe in yourself ! .. but yi fang wan yi la .. hahas..
i neVer kNew hOw baD it huRt tO loSe soMethiNg i neVer reaLLy haD.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
bioing !! .. hahas .. aCtually ..biO becoMing moRe fun !.. hahas ..i now den leaRn so muCh! last year keep failing .. so demoralised ! .. nearly gif up .. thanx to mae and bRotheR ! .. hahas .. juan .. got pRob must say lehhx` .. i am heRe .. we pRomised not to hide !i know something happen .. but i dunno wad .. i'll wait for u to say and i'll be here comforting u.. i promise i'll be here .. i have always been ! .. cheer up !
bRother !25kM in 31 mins ! that is absolutely great ! lolx .. if i ever managed that .. it might be when pigs can fly .. lolx .. when pigs can fly .. i can do many things .. so when can pigs fly ? *pondering* .. hahas ..
was doing biO ! bio ! and more bio ! .. i'm beginning to pray that o levels is here and we canget this nightmare done and over .. ! .. i hate it ! ..i can't think straight .. i goRge on food .. i pounce on my bed .. wad more weird stuff am i going to do that i neveR have thought i would do !? .. hahas .. even today my a maths tuition teacher say that i am so unpredictable ! (2+3=6)!hahas.. careless and it caused me 2 maRks ! ..wad is going on with me? and did i mention i've been heaRing viva forever by spice gal almost the 60th time now .. its so nice !
viva forever ! by spice gAlx !
Do you still remember, how we used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever, My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers, Young love in the sun
Tell like my saviour, my spirit I gave you, We'd only just begun
Hasta manana, always be mine,
Viva forever, I'll be waiting, Everlasting like the sun,
Live forever, for the moment, Ever searching for the sun,
Yes I still remember, every whispered word,
The touch of your skin, giving life from within, Like a love song never heard,
Slipping through our fingers, like the sands of time,
Promises made every memory saved, Have reflections in my mind,
Hasta manana, always be mine,
Viva forever, I'll be waiting, Everlasting like the sun,
Live forever, for the moment,Ever searching for the sun,
But we're all alone now, was it just a dream,
Feelings unfold, they will never be sold, And the secrets safe with me,
Hasta manana, always be mine,
Viva forever, I'll be waiting, Everlasting like the sun,
Live forever, for the moment, Ever searching for the sun.
hahas .. ever seaching for the one .. nice one therE ! .. haii* .. why do i get the feeling that the right one will never come ? .. haii* .. anyway .. my exams are more crucial now .. love can wait ! but always remembeR that there's always someone out there .. who is willing to do anything for love .. and he/she is the one meant for you ! .. its fated and destinated that we will meet this peRson ! luCk to all ~
hmMmx.. why do parents expect so much frm their kids? i used to think that its for our own good .. but i am beginnign to think otherwise .. ..........................
Saturday, September 17, 2005
haha !! slept at 3 last night ! .. was trying to revise finish my biO ! .. lack of tiMe le .. lolx >_< .. aM going to sleep that late again tonight ! .. heex` .. as uaual ..luCky tmR sunday .. if nt pengx .. shure becoMe mRs vampire nxt moRning! hahas .. woke uP eaRly .. couldn't sleep long! .. felt guilty ..nt studying .. hahas ..
den bRother fetch me eaRly in the moRning with mae! went to sChooL .. dey weRe supPose to cut fRogs ! yuCks !! .. hahas .. i revised biO of cos .. gOod gAl ma ! heex` i finally realised how backdated i was when i read the txtboOk .. had lots to leaRn and my pRelims is like roUnd the coRner ! .. bRo help oF cos .. =p thanx ! .. mae helped too ! .. thanx foR uR files ! .. hahas .. they are stAcking on my tabLex !.. heex`.. u noe wad when the fRogs arrived .. they weRe alive ! can u believe it ! i didn't see but i heaRd ! ..luCky they had some humanity not to cut up the fRogs if nt i am utterly speechless ! hahas ! ..
mae aCcompanied me ! hahas .. thanx gAl .. it was gReat .. hahas .. well .. baCk to my bio! ..i'm enlightened ! hahas .. its like sitting under a tree and getting an angel cap .. lolx! i was smiling .. in my heart that finally biO enlightened my life !gosh ! brother must really send me to hougang oNE day ! hahas .. and mae ! better visit me ! .. lolx ..
my stomach was rumbling ! .. lolx .. can u believe my apetite ..! i could almost goRge down food these days ! looking at myself ! .. i have to start thinking about my future ! lolx ! .. my weight ! is my biggest feaR ! .. wanted to go Mustaffa !.. we weRe cRazziiee about soMe rings ? izzit mae ! or maybe it was her only .. lolx .. but we went to eat .. couldn't make up our mind .. pizza .. bk .. or thoisai ! .. lolx .. i'm crazy .. i wan to eat everything man ! .. contRol gAL! .. at last it was pizza hut .. the service was incorrigable ! can u believe the service charge we had to pay .. it didn't equal off the service we were getting ? i thought mR lee mentioned at his national day rally that we should upgrade our service .. and here they are not getting the message? wad is this ? lucky u met us .. we good peopLe dun bother to complain.. wad if u meet someone piCky ! .. u'll get fiRed ! remembeR pizza boy ! your attitude counts while serving ! if you are not up to standard ! QUIT !
went to mama shop cos mae need to get ganping's pressie .. lolx .. and she fell in love with the shop? .. lolx .. nice right .. i wan go shopping but she wans save money .. lolx .. i'll let her save while i do my own savings too !.. lolx .. bRoke ! .. =/
den went to the beach .. its wonderfuL .. bathing under the sun .. looking at the waves .. the feeling is wonderfuL!.. hahas .. i was realising all my unhappy thoughts when both me n mae let the balloon fly .. how i wish that i could be the balloon .. just flying.. finding somewhere which is quiet .. and undisturbed .. i dunno wad is going on with me! the guilt is building again !.. i hate o levels ! .. it ruined my mental state ! as usual .. photos cheeRed me up ..=) .. hahas .. wanted to make bRother wet.. but failed . hahas .. dun woRry.. i'll have my day soOnx ! .. hahas ..
came home after that ! .. honestly .. spending so much time with mae and bRother .. coming home seems weiRd? .. lolx .. but more will come ..hahas .. nothing to be afraid of !. now is my pRelims and o levels ..! temasek ! .. hahas.. came hoMEx ! .. slaCk le ! .. hahas .. went thru biO again! .. my life revolves aRound boOkx ! .. i begin to hate them le ! .. argh !
sometimes peopLe do stupid things.. cos of love ..but at the end of the day .. its the stupid things which will leave sCars and makes memoRies and hurt in a person !
its life right ? things are fated and destinated ! .. well we just got to continue believing that we are heRe for somethings .. and without us .. these things are meaningless?
i don't know if to be happy because if he is my friend ..or to be sad because that is all he will ever be .....
Friday, September 16, 2005
hahax ! .. A maths ! doNex ! .. that leaves another 3 papeR ! .. u noe how happy i am ? heex` .. i'll show u ! i can do it ... i'll show u i'M nt stupid ! .. i can do it de ..! =) .. hahas ! sO haPpy .. fiRstly i got all my pRob out ! thaNx to juAn.. lolx .. thats waD frenx aRe foR right ? suPpose to go out with that pRetty gAl .. she was busy .. with heR debate ! hoPe she wiNx .. if not i'll kill heRx .. hahas .. =/ nahx .. can't beaR .. honestly .. heex` ..
went to get my eye gell .. finally .. haha .. well .. i finally noe that giRls will go to any extend just to keep them looking right .. the swelling of my eyes are getting woRst each day .. i wan baCk my eyes ! hahas .. sounded like my eyes change ? hahas..
hmMmx.. was talking to kakwai today .. gLad that he couLd do the papeR ! i still remembeR how we staRted.. it was all about maths ! ..hahas .. you weRe teaching me maths in seC 2 remembeR ? eveRytime we will go to tuitioN eaRlier so that we couLd complete ouR homewoRk ! den we will walk back togetheR? .. hahas .. i'll walk u to the primary school traffic light .. or u'll walk me to my block ! .. lolx .. cooLx ! hahas .. and we will rush it all the way ! .. hahas .. den cAme seC 3 .. i peRsuaded u to join a maths clAss.. lolx.. u weRe very hesitant .. but u did !.. lolx .. we weRe very close fRenx den ! .. hahas .. den until now .. still maths yea.. hahas ! .. nice memoRies ` .. now close fRenx .. and we will always stay like that ..foRevaz! ..hahas .. =)..
went to get my eye gell .. finally .. haha .. well .. i finally noe that giRls will go to any extend just to keep them looking right .. the swelling of my eyes are getting woRst each day .. i wan baCk my eyes ! hahas .. sounded like my eyes change ? hahas..
hmMmx.. was talking to kakwai today .. gLad that he couLd do the papeR ! i still remembeR how we staRted.. it was all about maths ! ..hahas .. you weRe teaching me maths in seC 2 remembeR ? eveRytime we will go to tuitioN eaRlier so that we couLd complete ouR homewoRk ! den we will walk back togetheR? .. hahas .. i'll walk u to the primary school traffic light .. or u'll walk me to my block ! .. lolx .. cooLx ! hahas .. and we will rush it all the way ! .. hahas .. den cAme seC 3 .. i peRsuaded u to join a maths clAss.. lolx.. u weRe very hesitant .. but u did !.. lolx .. we weRe very close fRenx den ! .. hahas .. den until now .. still maths yea.. hahas ! .. nice memoRies ` .. now close fRenx .. and we will always stay like that ..foRevaz! ..hahas .. =)..
lolx ! .. mae meet me ! .. cos she won the debate ! good news man ! .. hahas .. den we headed to sunteC .. lolx .. to get my dear bRother his chocolate ! .. hahas .. we wanted to get something .. so we got it ! .. hope u like it ! .. i noe u love it .. heex` .. hmMmx .. den got my meix meix something .. den i thought of u .. so i got u something aSo .. haii* .. wad am i doing ??
den went for dinner .. as usual .. this time ate rojak ! .. oh god ! .. i'm gainning slowly ! .. hahas .. but the food are irresistable .. can u believe it ! i was having eating disorder just a few months ago and now i'm back to noRmal .. lolx .. gReat yea ? ..
My headaches are returning !.. they get woRse each time ! .. why ? aRgh ! i hate them .. i had an attack in the car .. luCky bRother didn't realise anything !.. if nt he will worRy.. hahas.. the belgian choco reminds me of kakwai .. lolx .. help me ! .. argh .............................
dReaMs mAy be sHatteRed aNd heaRts mAy be bRokeN...bUt memoRies aRe foReVer.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
finallized ! .. a 3 for physiCx .. i wasn't very sad about it .. but i knew i could have doNe betteR ! haii* .. that meAns i gotta woRk haRd foR my cheMistRy .. =/ .. i wan at least a 1 for one of my sCience ! .. haii* .. saded` .. i feel so dRained man ! .. i'm having my mOod swings agaiNx ! .. the e maths paper was fReaking toUgh ! i wan a 1 ! .. argh ! .. in life .. if u dun woRk foR it .. u dun get it ! .. so u die die aSo must perseveRe! .. cos its life .. life's not a bed of roses .. i finally believbe it ! .. wad if i cannot make it? .. what if i dissapoint my parents? there aRe so many what if !? .. its sOoOoOo sCarrry .. lolx ! .. hmMmx.. i told u we can't woRk out and we won't .. why so fliRt ? firstly .. i dun like peopLE who are flirT..! see one .. like onex .. how can u sustain a relationship like that ? relationships are between 2 ppL who must coMmit to each other ! .. without cOmmitment .. nothing will woRk !.. get it ? .. i'm moRe oF those who can't take huRt ! .. if u think by playing my feelings .. u'll get what u want ! i'm soRry .. u seArch out for the wRong gaLx ! .. i'm oNe stubboRn headed mule .. whiCh WILL NOT gif in to relationships ! ..
i feel like running .. running away from all these noises and these stress ! .. a quiet and peacefuL place where my mind can flow with the music.. the forest !.. anywhere .. except here ! .. i see myself running away every night .. even till a corner where darkness eventually engulf me ! .. wheRe i can''t save myself anymoRe ! who can save me ? who ?? .. help me get out of this misery ! i hate it ! i hate it ! i'm beginning to hate myself !.. why can't i produce something i am capable of ! i know i can ! .. i know my capabilities .. but my dreams are always shattered ! into fragments .. it hurts ! it hurts too much that maybe sleeping is just the best solution .........................
the worst thing of failure is that it leaves a sCar that we will always be reminded to work harder the next round !